It is that time of the year again when I stay awake restless at night, but sleep so soundly during the day. It is a time when I wish I could turn back time to spend more time productively and less time on Facebook. However, now it is quite too late to wish for a bygone hour or two. I usually get an insatiable appetite to eat anything and everything fattening at this time of the year. Needless to say, this year is no exception. Sometimes I wonder how my stomach has so much of capacity to stuff in all the baked, fried or roasted food within a two mile radius. I spend a lot of time dreaming as well. Floodgates to poetic paradise open exactly on cue right around this time. Inspiration flows faster than I could reach for the pen on the table. (This might take a few minutes as I am sprawled on the bed, after all.)Oh so conveniently rain starts to pour all day long creating a subdued lazy cosy ambiance, puuuurrrfect to curl up on bed with a hot mug of coffee.Ahhhh..Bliss! Yes, it is exam time!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Stuck in Traffic
Getting stuck in traffic at the end of a busy day can be quite interesting, provided of course your stomach is not screaming "FOOD!".My stomach was doing just that while I was stuck in traffic this evening.However, my crafty mind thought of ways to ignore the stubborn stomach.I started to observe other fellow members of this stuck-in-traffic community.Some were yawning while others were muttering and swearing.Some were gazing all the way to infinity while others were having animated conversations with fellow passengers.Of course I have to mention those who had a phone stuck to their ears and speaking non stop on god knows what to god knows who.Yours truly apparently belonged to the category of weirdos who think of things to write on their blog once they get home.
Lo and behold! Rain Gods decided to grace these poor souls stuck in traffic with their presence.I have to admit though rain brought a beautiful mystical quality to this evening which was otherwise quite drab.Watching rain drops slowly slide down the windscreen can be very calming indeed.I let my eyes roam out side once more over the blurred vehicle lights and rushing pedestrians.May be there is a hidden beauty on a traffic filled urban highway after all.May be we are always too busy running around to no where in particular, that we don't realise that beauty is where we are right now.May be its time to stop for a minute and open our eyes to appreciate the subtle charm of the city.
May be it was time to feed my poor stomach.
Lo and behold! Rain Gods decided to grace these poor souls stuck in traffic with their presence.I have to admit though rain brought a beautiful mystical quality to this evening which was otherwise quite drab.Watching rain drops slowly slide down the windscreen can be very calming indeed.I let my eyes roam out side once more over the blurred vehicle lights and rushing pedestrians.May be there is a hidden beauty on a traffic filled urban highway after all.May be we are always too busy running around to no where in particular, that we don't realise that beauty is where we are right now.May be its time to stop for a minute and open our eyes to appreciate the subtle charm of the city.
May be it was time to feed my poor stomach.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Just the way you are....
I'm writing this for someone who believes that she is ugly, just because she thinks she has had a bad hair cut and gained a bit of weight.So maybe Katherine Heigl has had the same hair cut and looks drop dead gorgeous.But don't forget she has put on layers of makeup and probably spent three hours with a hair stylist.Also some people are just born with oh so perfect hair which certainly does NOT make them beautiful from inside.
Your hair may stick from odd angles ,and you might have gained a bit here and there.However, the people who love you will keep on loving you for who you are.Whether you hair is straight ,or curly ,or some weird thing in between will not change the way any of us feel about you. For us you are still the same person we loved when you were slim and had stick straight hair.A bit of fat and some unruly hair is not going to change who you are and whom you will always be.That is the person we love.
Do you think any of us would even look at Katherine Heigl if she gained some weight and forgot her hair appointment? I don't think so.
Your hair may stick from odd angles ,and you might have gained a bit here and there.However, the people who love you will keep on loving you for who you are.Whether you hair is straight ,or curly ,or some weird thing in between will not change the way any of us feel about you. For us you are still the same person we loved when you were slim and had stick straight hair.A bit of fat and some unruly hair is not going to change who you are and whom you will always be.That is the person we love.
Do you think any of us would even look at Katherine Heigl if she gained some weight and forgot her hair appointment? I don't think so.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Hospice
'I am so thin" she said while tears ran down her paper thin cheeks.I put my arms around her not knowing what I could say to make her feel better.To say 'no you are not' would be an out right lie.I could have said 'don't worry, you 'll be nice and plump soon"but I knew she knows better.I asked her name instead."Soma", she said.
Looking at her frail figure in my arms , I was overcome with so much of emotions that I was at a loss for words. Unfortunately this silence made her think of the very topic I was trying to avoid."They said I'm going to die", she whispered with tear filled eyes.I held her fragile hand and looked in to her tired eyes."This is a very good place with such caring people who look after you well,you do like it here don't you?"She said yes.I continued to hold her hand and cradle her light body.But she would not give up.Again she whispered that they said she is going to die."We all are going to die some day..Nobody is here to stay forever..Not you.Not me."I was cought up in a whirlwind of emotions and at that very moment I would have done anyting to make her not feel that way.But I was helpless, as we all are before death.
After all what could you say to a cancer patient,who knows her days are numbered?
Looking at her frail figure in my arms , I was overcome with so much of emotions that I was at a loss for words. Unfortunately this silence made her think of the very topic I was trying to avoid."They said I'm going to die", she whispered with tear filled eyes.I held her fragile hand and looked in to her tired eyes."This is a very good place with such caring people who look after you well,you do like it here don't you?"She said yes.I continued to hold her hand and cradle her light body.But she would not give up.Again she whispered that they said she is going to die."We all are going to die some day..Nobody is here to stay forever..Not you.Not me."I was cought up in a whirlwind of emotions and at that very moment I would have done anyting to make her not feel that way.But I was helpless, as we all are before death.
After all what could you say to a cancer patient,who knows her days are numbered?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Silent Torture
As I lie awake in the dark, your face swims across my eyes.In a futile effort to push you away I toss and turn , but in vain.I am seething with anger at myself, for letting you possess me both day and night.I have wasted my whole day thinking thoughts of nothing but you,and now you have taken over my night as well.I craved for a peaceful sleep tonight , with nothing but silence in the dark.I was unable to foresee this danger:the danger of your image dancing before my eyes in the dark.I silently beg you not to torture me, yet you continuously keep on teasing my mind.I finally realize that I am fighting a losing battle and give in to the silence , darkness ,and your beautifully haunting face.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Are you a victim?
Currently I am reading the book "How to pull your own strings" by Dr.Wayne W.Dyer.It got me thinking how many of us are victims of society? Well we may think we are not, but the truth is most of us are being victimized by someone or the other every single day.From our families and friends to employers and shopkeepers we get victimized at least in a small way.
What is being victimized? It is the state of making one feel helpless, and to take advantage of that feeling.Parents might show their authority to children simply by denying them the right to do things, even if they bring no harm to the child.The child feels helpless against the overbearing parent.Employers victimize employees by instilling a feeling of not performing well enough to earn that pay hike or promotion.Clerks make victims out of their customers by repeating a line on how the policy works, so that he/she can avoid helping the customer.In all these situations you would feel helpless, angry and disappointed.
But there is a way to turn the tables around.According to Dr.Dyer one has to be constantly aware to identify such victimizing situations and simply refuse to be a victim. That is to take a non-victim stance.Once you recognize that you are being victimized,you need to be adamant that you will get your way, and you will definitely not be treated as victim.This will take sometime to master but what is important is to take the first step in being a non victim, which takes immense will power and perseverance.Both of which can be cultivated in any of us.
Although Dy Dyer' s book was written in the 70s it is still applicable to the current society we live in.There are still victimizers and victims.But the lucky ones are the non victims.If you can get hold of a copy of this book it will definitely be an eye opener on how exactly you can be the master of your life and pull your own strings.
What is being victimized? It is the state of making one feel helpless, and to take advantage of that feeling.Parents might show their authority to children simply by denying them the right to do things, even if they bring no harm to the child.The child feels helpless against the overbearing parent.Employers victimize employees by instilling a feeling of not performing well enough to earn that pay hike or promotion.Clerks make victims out of their customers by repeating a line on how the policy works, so that he/she can avoid helping the customer.In all these situations you would feel helpless, angry and disappointed.
But there is a way to turn the tables around.According to Dr.Dyer one has to be constantly aware to identify such victimizing situations and simply refuse to be a victim. That is to take a non-victim stance.Once you recognize that you are being victimized,you need to be adamant that you will get your way, and you will definitely not be treated as victim.This will take sometime to master but what is important is to take the first step in being a non victim, which takes immense will power and perseverance.Both of which can be cultivated in any of us.
Although Dy Dyer' s book was written in the 70s it is still applicable to the current society we live in.There are still victimizers and victims.But the lucky ones are the non victims.If you can get hold of a copy of this book it will definitely be an eye opener on how exactly you can be the master of your life and pull your own strings.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Had a bad day!
Today was one of those days when everything humanly imaginable goes wrong right from the beginning.As soon as I got down from the bed I stubbed my toe, and excruciating pain went straight from my toe to every other square inch of my body.Then I got ten minutes late to get out of the house which sent me almost running down the road.Due to some miracle I quickly got an auto but- wait...here it comes... while I was getting out of the auto I scraped my finger on an unknown metal tube jutting out of it!Unspeakable pain again.To top it off a bus didn't get anywhere near me until another ten minutes.
By that time I was seething with anger at the bus driver who couldn't come on time that I forgot about the finger fiasco.Somehow I got to class just as the tutor was also entering , which left me no time to catch my breath.Although I made sure I had a good night's sleep, for some incomprehensible reason (I'm sure its the stubbed toe though) my stubborn eyes kept closing on their own so much that the pen just slipped out of my hand on to the floor. This of course made me embarrassed to death that I was wide awake for the next ten minutes.But there was no escape from that lovely place called sleepy land.
Finally I decided to ditch the second half and come home, which I did. Then I had to walk for twenty minutes in the red hot sun in search of lunch, which I never found anyway (apparently it was too early to prepare lunch !!#@#@). So I got on a bus to head home, on which a man simply hit me on the head with a club!(his elbow actually)Now I had a major headache AND high blood pressure from all the filth I was aiming at the man. (all in my mind of course)The one silver lining of the day was that I finally found some lunch closer to home.
But my biggest worry is that only half of the day is still done....
By that time I was seething with anger at the bus driver who couldn't come on time that I forgot about the finger fiasco.Somehow I got to class just as the tutor was also entering , which left me no time to catch my breath.Although I made sure I had a good night's sleep, for some incomprehensible reason (I'm sure its the stubbed toe though) my stubborn eyes kept closing on their own so much that the pen just slipped out of my hand on to the floor. This of course made me embarrassed to death that I was wide awake for the next ten minutes.But there was no escape from that lovely place called sleepy land.
Finally I decided to ditch the second half and come home, which I did. Then I had to walk for twenty minutes in the red hot sun in search of lunch, which I never found anyway (apparently it was too early to prepare lunch !!#@#@). So I got on a bus to head home, on which a man simply hit me on the head with a club!(his elbow actually)Now I had a major headache AND high blood pressure from all the filth I was aiming at the man. (all in my mind of course)The one silver lining of the day was that I finally found some lunch closer to home.
But my biggest worry is that only half of the day is still done....
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Then there is love...
I was reading through a blog on love when i realized that many different types of love exist.Love for parents,spouse,children,friends,pets and of course the love for the lover.But there is also a very sacred type of love residing in each of us -the love never expressed.The kind of love which blossoms out of of the blue, the love that you do not admit to yourself,the love that you never express,but continue to feel deep in your heart in every waking moment.
This is a complex and extremely painful type of love.There will be moment of realisation of this love within you ,when that person is capable of hurting your feelings at the slightest mistake.Then your denial begins.You will keep on trying to convince yourself that you definitely DO NOT love that person,and perhaps go to the extent of hating him/her without realising that hatred is also a very powerful emotion.At the end of denial is the acceptance stage.At this stage you quietly admit to your self that you ARE in fact, in love.However, for some complicated reason which yourself would not understand ,you adamantly decide not to express your feelings.Then the pain begins.
Every single day you would see, listen and talk with him/her as if nothing has changed.But deep within,you would be suffering as if a sharp sword is permanently cutting your heart in two.You would torture yourself constantly day and night with thoughts and images of that person until maybe you fall physically ill.Then there would be a day when you wake up and realise that you are not in love anymore.That day would bring you liberation from self imposed torture.So if you are one of those people who feel this type of love,then I do pray that your liberation day is close at hand.
This is a complex and extremely painful type of love.There will be moment of realisation of this love within you ,when that person is capable of hurting your feelings at the slightest mistake.Then your denial begins.You will keep on trying to convince yourself that you definitely DO NOT love that person,and perhaps go to the extent of hating him/her without realising that hatred is also a very powerful emotion.At the end of denial is the acceptance stage.At this stage you quietly admit to your self that you ARE in fact, in love.However, for some complicated reason which yourself would not understand ,you adamantly decide not to express your feelings.Then the pain begins.
Every single day you would see, listen and talk with him/her as if nothing has changed.But deep within,you would be suffering as if a sharp sword is permanently cutting your heart in two.You would torture yourself constantly day and night with thoughts and images of that person until maybe you fall physically ill.Then there would be a day when you wake up and realise that you are not in love anymore.That day would bring you liberation from self imposed torture.So if you are one of those people who feel this type of love,then I do pray that your liberation day is close at hand.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Celebrity - Paparazzi
Well here I was scrolling down my facebook home page ,and it just hit me how many people actually use facebook to publicize their private lives.It's almost a fever where everyone shares all their intimate personal dramas, hopes, plans etc on facebook.Social networking has become a forum for people to live their rich and famous fantasies in real life ,by sharing their lives with so called facebook "friends".
But really,how many of us our genuinely interested in the vacation plans of a guy we met at a seminar two years ago?Or the daily chronicles of the person who sat next to us in grade 2, whom we haven't seen in 15 years?Not many I'm quite sure.But still we keep on sharing our private moments with people who most probably can't even recall the last real life conversation we shared.Ironically, we also do like to stick our noses into these shared stories to collect gossip so as to share with friends ,the next time we meet them.(Or even through facebook itself)
Through facebook we have become both celebrities and paparazzi.We like to publish and share our own life experiences with others ,as well as learn all about what other people have been up to lately.Social networking via the internet itself is definitely a phenomenon which has unleashed our inner most human desire to be well known to one and all.
But really,how many of us our genuinely interested in the vacation plans of a guy we met at a seminar two years ago?Or the daily chronicles of the person who sat next to us in grade 2, whom we haven't seen in 15 years?Not many I'm quite sure.But still we keep on sharing our private moments with people who most probably can't even recall the last real life conversation we shared.Ironically, we also do like to stick our noses into these shared stories to collect gossip so as to share with friends ,the next time we meet them.(Or even through facebook itself)
Through facebook we have become both celebrities and paparazzi.We like to publish and share our own life experiences with others ,as well as learn all about what other people have been up to lately.Social networking via the internet itself is definitely a phenomenon which has unleashed our inner most human desire to be well known to one and all.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Animal or Human??
Let's admit it.Haven't we all at least once in our lives thought that it might be better off to be an animal rather than a human?? For one thing they have extremely limited memory.Therefore, they actually do not remember the past.There are times when we are haunted by our past.Memories filled with guilt, sadness ,regret,disappointment,and anger are imprinted in our minds forever.They keep resurfacing when we least expect them, and we feel all those unwanted feeling all over again.But animals do not recall any of those ugly memories at all.True,they do not remember the good times as well, but in this context we are talking about the plus points of animals after all.
Animals live completely in the present.They do not brood over the past or dream of the future.Every moment of their lives they live fully in the present.After all, isn't that what we all want?To enjoy each and every moment in life with out marring them with pictures of by gone ghosts of the past?
We have always believed that humans are the superior beings in this planet. However , there still might be a thing or two to elarn from our fellow animals. We write v voluminous books on how to be happy and live each moment to the maximum. But just a simple observation on animal behavior might teach us just the same, if not more. So the next time you feel like drowning in a well of past memories you'd rather forget, let loose the animal in you and live in the now.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
All in the name of faith
There are a thousand and one religions being followed by people across the globe.People argue,fight and in extreme cases even kill ,all in the name of religion.They want to establish that their faith is the true faith in the world and all others are heathen.But in the end what exactly is left? Disappointment, anger, hurt and estranged and displaced friends and families.Is that what all the religious leaders have preached in the past?
If you take the core of all religions it is embedded with love and brotherhood.From Jesus Christ to modern day Swamis the the most important message has always been and always will be to spread love and compassion. Then, why do we fight int he name of religion?
All we need is to understand and respect every faith ,for all the good that it spreads and be united in the name of humanity. What matters in the end is not which faith we believed in, but the manner in which we lived our lives.Did we feed the hungry stray dog down the street? Did we lend a helping hand to the handicapped woman at the bus stop? Did we stay back to give room to the old lady at the check out counter? When we are wrapped up in our own arguments on faith we tend to forget the small acts of kindness in life that can make a difference.That after all we too like to be at the receiving end of gestures of compassion, inspite of differences in faith.
If you take the core of all religions it is embedded with love and brotherhood.From Jesus Christ to modern day Swamis the the most important message has always been and always will be to spread love and compassion. Then, why do we fight int he name of religion?
All we need is to understand and respect every faith ,for all the good that it spreads and be united in the name of humanity. What matters in the end is not which faith we believed in, but the manner in which we lived our lives.Did we feed the hungry stray dog down the street? Did we lend a helping hand to the handicapped woman at the bus stop? Did we stay back to give room to the old lady at the check out counter? When we are wrapped up in our own arguments on faith we tend to forget the small acts of kindness in life that can make a difference.That after all we too like to be at the receiving end of gestures of compassion, inspite of differences in faith.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Here I am writing my very first blog post on a Tuesday night. How many others must be writing their own blog posts at this very moment? Hundreds?Maybe even thousands...But then ,who actually reads all these thoughts,feelings and emotions flying freely on cyber space?More than most of these free thoughts would get lost in a mountain of other similar posts without being read by a single person other than the blogger him/herself.
But hey..do we care?? No way! We still go on blogging ,recording our thoughts even if it will only be seen by only a handful. It doesn't really matter how many of the masses we reach, but what matters is that we have a medium to express ourselves. Our minds accommodate more than 6billion thoughts everyday.Apparently some of these thoughts are worth recording and maybe even be food for thought for some other like minded soul.Even if not, we ourselves need to sort out all the numerous thoughts and feelings we feel daily and try to get a better understanding of who we really are.
In that sense blogging can be used to not only express ourselves but also to see our own mind from a whole new perspective.Therefore, I believe this is a journey I am taking to find out who I really am, and maybe touch a few lives on the way..
But hey..do we care?? No way! We still go on blogging ,recording our thoughts even if it will only be seen by only a handful. It doesn't really matter how many of the masses we reach, but what matters is that we have a medium to express ourselves. Our minds accommodate more than 6billion thoughts everyday.Apparently some of these thoughts are worth recording and maybe even be food for thought for some other like minded soul.Even if not, we ourselves need to sort out all the numerous thoughts and feelings we feel daily and try to get a better understanding of who we really are.
In that sense blogging can be used to not only express ourselves but also to see our own mind from a whole new perspective.Therefore, I believe this is a journey I am taking to find out who I really am, and maybe touch a few lives on the way..
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